What is a 'peacock parent' – and the four signs you were raised by one

A trauma coach has shared which signs indicate you were raised by a narcissistic parent – also known as a 'peacock parent.'

The term 'peacock parent' has grown in popularity since British psychotherapist Kathleen Saxton released her book, 'My parent the peacock: Discovery and Recovery from Narcissistic Parenting'. Typically, a narcissistic can see caregivers fixate on being seen as exceptional and often need admiration.

Plus, they emphasise being in control and perfect – and they often expect their children to uphold an image through academic success or immaculate appearance. Social media mindset and trauma coach, Candice Tamara, has shared four signs to look out for that may indicate you have a narcissistic parent, or if you are a parent yourself, traits that you might be exhibiting to your children.

Candice's advice video has been viewed over four million times and had plenty of people commenting.

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Not taking responsibility

Candice said the first sign of a 'peacock parent' is that they cannot take responsibility for their behaviour. Candice noted: "Saying sorry will be really difficult for them and will not feel genuine."

Therapist Sharon Martin, who specialises in understanding perfectionists, explained: "Some people think they’re superior to others and therefore are entitled to do what they want without bearing the consequences. Often, this is an unconscious attempt to overcompensate for self-doubt, low self-esteem, or insecurity."

She also noted that people who expect themselves to be perfect or have impossibly high standards may also have trouble acknowledging their mistakes and shortcomings.

It is advised that rather than having the same argument repeatedly, if someone will not accept responsibility, you may want to change your approach. Don't accept the blame, but instead try to communicate how you feel using 'I' statements instead of 'you' statements. This aims to get the individual to understand your feelings, instead of accusing or blaming.

Gaslighting

The second sign is that they will gaslight you. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person causes someone to question their sanity, memories, or perception of reality, reports Medical News Today. Often, people who are being 'gaslit' may feel confused, anxious, or unable to trust themselves.

Candice explained: "If you go to them to explain how they may have made you feel, they will make you feel that you are wrong and the perception was wrong or that you are too sensitive."

added: "Over time, a gaslighter's manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth."

Not respecting boundaries

The trauma coach also said a sign of narcissistic parenting is that your parent does not respect your boundaries. This can be emotionally challenging, so it is important to communicate your needs clearly.

, a mental health treatment provider, says you should reinstate your boundaries to narcissistic parents. If they continuously forget or choose to disregard your wishes, if may be helpful to set consequences if they cross that boundary.

The website states: "Boundaries are not about rebelling or disrespecting your parents. Instead, they’re an opportunity for family members to learn how to recognise, respect, and understand each other's differences.

"Refrain from labelling someone as a toxic parent or calling out a dysfunctional family member, and instead, focus on how these new boundaries will benefit you and your relationship with your parents."

Feeling entitled to your time

The fourth sign peacock parents may present is that they think they are entitled to your time and energy. There are many parents that believe their adult children are responsible for their happiness, and so they feel they are owed time and attention.

Candice shared: "So they will feel jealous when you are with other people or you are building a nice happy relationship with other people, they will feel that jealousy."

If you are struggling with any of the issues mentioned, organisations such as Mind, Rethink Mental Illness, Samaritans, SANE, CALM, and Together for Mental Wellbeing can provide advice, support, and advocacy.